When faced with something that feels hard or overwhelming, I’ve long been a fan of asking the question: “What would this look like if this was easy?” But lately, I’ve found a new question that’s creating some interesting results.

Impostor syndrome comes up a lot in conversation. Perhaps this is something you’ve experienced, too. That sense that you're going to be “found out” as an imposter. You don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t belong, you aren’t good enough. Pretty much everyone I’ve ever talked to has experienced this at some point, and many are experiencing this as we speak.

This morning, as I was watering the 5 large flower pots in front of something, I noticed something that gave me hope. 

Let me back up a bit…

I often work with clients who feel stuck. Unsure about what to do next, what action to take, what decision to make, how to prioritize what’s in front of them. Sometimes, it’s because their destination, where they want to go, is unclear or muddy. Other times, they have clarity around the goal, but the path to get there is what’s tripping them up.

“Christina, I wish I hadn’t wasted all that energy.” I was sitting across from my client, a talented woman who was actively looking for a new job after losing her job. She had seen it coming. Her company had been acquired, and the acquiring company had been slowly reducing headcount in her organization, quarter by quarter. Finally it was her turn.

I recently read The Power of Systems: How to Create a Life that Works by Steve Chandler and Trevor Timbeck. I’ve long been a systems thinker…I have many past lives filled with workflow diagrams, spreadsheets, and process flows. I love systems. And yet, thinking about the invisible systems all around me, the ones I’ve created and operate in every day of my entire life, has been eye opening.

I had a 45 minute break between calls. Perfect, I thought. I’ll eat some lunch, make progress on an interesting book, and have a few minutes to prep for my next conversation. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Oops. I didn’t have anything to eat. My system had failed me. Ok, my system hadn’t failed me, I had failed to work the system. 

Have you ever noticed this about your systems?

Slowly it dawned on us. We were in the rows to shift the weight of the plane, off balance as the passengers and checked luggage were all offloading at the same time. After a few moments the flight attendant raised his hand again to halt the passengers behind us, and then he motioned for those of us who had stepped into the rows to resume our exit. The whole experience only lasted a few minutes, but it got me thinking. 

Where else do we find ourselves unbalanced while we’re making progress on our goals?

What’s your ideal weekend? A few things probably come to mind when I ask this question. Perhaps there’s time with family or chosen family, physical activities that you enjoy, time spent outdoors, space for spiritual connection or intellectual pursuits. And I’ll bet that if you shared that ideal weekend with me, I would learn a lot about what you value. What is important to you. What lights you up and fills your cup. But what if I asked you about how you actually spend your time, across your entire week. 

Would it match those values?

I attended a workshop last week, where at least three different presenters all mentioned the same thing. It was in varied contexts. One used it to open up a talk. Another used it as a reminder to herself to be forgiving of areas where she (a very successful professional) still needed to grow. The third shared it as a reminder to the group. Each time it was mentioned, it caught my attention. So powerful and so simple at the same time. 

Ready for it? 

“I just need to go to bed earlier. I’ve tried, but it just doesn’t happen.” My client was visibly frustrated with himself.

“I know why I want to make this change. So why can’t I do it?”

The other day, as I was listening to a climactic scene play out in a Harry Potter audiobook while tending to some rather uninspiring laundry, when I was so struck by a particular sentence I had to set down the shirt I was folding to listen to it again. 

I recently watched a fascinating matchup between the #1 and #8 seeds in a first round bracket of Tournament of Champions. In the end, the bottom seed chef who played strategically won the match. The chef who lost was left stumped - how had his incredible talent not won the day? Turns out, he was playing a new game by the old rules, and it didn’t work. 

Have you ever noticed this in your own life? 

One of my favorite commercials in this past Olympics coverage stars a young girl watching figure skating. She’s so inspired by what she sees, she sets up her own “skating rink” in the attic. She places all of her stuffed animal friends around the room, like spectators in an area. And then she starts skating, just like her olympic idol.

Have you ever been filled by possibility like this?

It felt like I had been working on it forever, never to be finished. The last few weeks were different. Finally, a few days ago, it felt inevitable that I would finish it. 

Have you ever felt this shift? 

“I see you. You are valued and appreciated.” Wow. I was moved. Receiving the gift of being seen, acknowledged for who I was, was powerful. 

Have you experienced the power of being acknowledged?

I felt overwhelmed. The kind of overwhelm where you know there’s a lot to do, but you don’t know where to start. Your mind won’t stop identifying more and more things that need to be done, each more important than the last. Before you’ve even fully processed one idea, another one comes up. And another. And another. I needed to find a way to slow down and take back control.

Have you ever felt this way? 

We were in limbo, and everyone was focused on an uncertain future. Things had come to a standstill, everyone focusing on just enough to get by and meet commitments, but no one was truly engaged in the work. 

Have you ever felt this way? 

It started out as an ordinary morning. Suddenly, I felt that something was off. 

Has something like this ever happened to you?

I recently got new glasses. Even though they’re light, comfortable, and stylish, I’m not a fan of having something in between me and the rest of the world, and I’m often acutely aware of the impact on my peripheral vision. I often find myself asking the question…

Do I want to see less, more clearly, or do I want to see more, less clearly?