What's holding you back?
“I need to leave my job.”
I was finally admitting to my family what I had known in my heart for a while. I needed a new job.
It was something I had been thinking about for a while. I was seeing the limits of advancement opportunities. I had learned about all I was going to be able to learn in the role, and to grow in my craft I knew the next step would be with another type of company. And I was feeling the call to take the leap.
But I was torn. I had been with the company a long time, and was comfortable there. I knew the key players and associated politics. I understood the team and how to get things done. I had friends there.
I knew what I needed to do, but it took me a while to admit it. Especially out loud.
Have you ever felt this way?
In his book Supercoach, Michael Niell writes “There’s no such thing as a ‘decision’ - you either know what to do or you don’t.”
The first time I read this, I knew it to be true.
And yet, I also knew that I often struggle to “make a decision.”
What gives?
So often, even when we know what to do, we often talk ourselves out of what we know, not taking action on the “decision” we know we need to make.
We know we shouldn’t be prioritizing a particular feature that doesn’t have much value. And yet we keep working on it because it’s on the roadmap, and we’ve told everyone it’s coming.
We know we should let go of the employee who isn’t pulling their weight, even with additional training. And yet we delay the inevitable because we know they’re well liked by the team.
We know the relationship isn’t going anywhere, but we stay with them because it’s familiar and we enjoy having companionship.
But when we talk ourselves out of doing what we know we need to do, there are consequences.
Anxiety. Frustration. Thrashing.
We feel it, and those around us feel it, too.
So what can we do?
It starts by understanding what’s really holding us back. Do one of these three reasons sound familiar to you, in your situation?
We’re influenced by other people’s opinions
Real or imagined, the opinions and expectations of others often influence the action we take. Whose voice are you hearing as you delay taking action on your decision?
Perhaps you have an unusual idea for how to manage a challenging customer situation. Are you hesitating because “that’s not how things are done around here”? Maybe you’ve felt the call to go vegan. Are you waiting until after the holidays, because you’re worried about how your “meat and potatoes” family will react?
It will cause a fundamental shift in our identity
Often, taking action on our decisions causes a change in how we identify ourselves. Is there an identity you’re loath to let go, or one you’re not sure you’re ready to put on?
Maybe you’re considering an industry change, but making it will include a shift from management to being an individual contributor. What are you holding onto from your identity as a manager? Perhaps you want to move to the suburbs. What about the identity of a suburbanite are you hesitant about?
It means the end of an era
Sometimes, we know what we need to do, but it includes saying goodbye to a chapter of our life that’s been especially important. What do you need to do to close that chapter well, so you’re ready to take on what comes next?
Perhaps you’re ready for more responsibility, but it means looking outside your current organization. What do you need to do to end your current role on a positive note? Maybe you’re ready to fully commit to a life with your beloved partner. What do you need to do to say goodbye to your single life?
Even when we know what we want to do or where we want to go, it’s easy to talk ourselves out of making the forward progress we know we need. Taking time to explore the why - perhaps the influence of others, the shift in our own identity, or the need to close a chapter - can help us get unstuck and move forward.
What’s holding you back from leaning into what you already know to be true?
Do you want support?
You’re here. You want to be there. I can help.
Book time, and we’ll figure out how to get you unstuck and get going.
How will you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
October 2, 2025
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
Book your free strategy session.
