Do you have a case of the “shoulds”?
I was having such a case of the “shoulds”.
Have you been there?
I had just finished doing a review of the previous year, considering what worked and what didn’t, how I did against the goals I had set for myself, and where I hadn’t.
And I came away with a list of “shoulds.”
I should do this. I should do that.
As usually happens, I wasn’t actually inspired or motivated to do the things on my “should” list. They felt like a burden, and I resented the time and energy they would take to get done.
Has this ever happened to you?
I’m not alone.
I see this with coaching clients all the time.
“I know I SHOULD…” fill in the blank. Go to the business dinner I don’t want to attend. Take the job I don’t want. Act in a way that’s counter to my natural tendencies. Take care of myself better.
And while there’s often value in the activity, adding the “I should” turns it into a weight that sometimes becomes too much to bear.
“Shoulds” often come from a place of external expectations - the opinions of leaders or colleagues, friends and loved ones. Often well intentioned, their path isn’t always the right one for us, and doing things because we feel we “should” can come with a sense of obligation.
Do you have a case of the “shoulds”?
Try this:
Consider who is saying you should
Where is this “should” coming from? Is it something you truly believe you should do, or are you feeling pressure from another person or external expectations?
Consider how you want to achieve your goals
Is this “should” the path you want to take to achieve what’s important to you? Perhaps there’s another route that is more motivating, aligned, or enjoyable to achieve the same goal.
Convert the “should” to action
If you decide that YOU want to do something and it’s the right thing to achieve your goals, convert your should to something you can put on your calendar or to do list.
It’s so easy to come down with a case of the “shoulds”, and then feel burdened and overwhelmed. Considering who actually thinks you should do the thing, whether it’s the path you want to take to achieve your goals, and converting those “shoulds” to actions can help you feel agency rather than overwhelm.
What “shoulds” are you reclaiming? Will you send me a message to let me know?
January 15, 2026
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
Book your free strategy session.
