When wanting to isn’t enough
Perhaps it’s because of the transition to the fall season, the time when the slowness of summer turns into a flurry of action before the holidays kick in. Or maybe it’s because I talk to a lot of go-getters, folks who have high capacity and high enthusiasm. Or maybe it’s because it’s a lesson I need to learn, too.
Whatever the reason, I’m noticing these days that a common theme that’s coming up in my coaching conversations is the idea of saying NO when you want to say YES.
It’s easy to recognize that we should say NO to the things we don’t want to do. The project we don’t have the capacity or interest for, the dinner out with people we don’t really enjoy, the ambitious timeline we know won’t actually happen.
Even when we don’t say NO to these things, we know we should. The inner knowing can speak to us in a lot of different ways, a gut feeling, a sense of dread, or even a friend telling us what we already know.
But what I’m talking about is harder to recognize.
It’s those times when we want to say YES. Sometimes, we really really want to say YES.
But when we do, there are consequences, usually for those things that are even more important.
Sometimes, it's fairly benign, like when we wake up a bit more tired because we stayed up binge watching “just one more episode.”
Other times, it’s much more impactful. Accepting the interesting project that doesn’t align with the promotion we’re seeking. Seeking the promotion over time with family. Staying on the familiar, comfortable path when we know we’re called for something different.
In my experience, where we generally go astray is not taking the time to sit down with ourselves to identify what’s really most important. What we’re assessing the opportunity against.
Rather than asking ourselves, does this thing support what I want most, we ask “do I want to do this?”. If the answer is YES, we move forward, no further questions asked.
So let me ask you this.
Do you know what you want, like really really want?
How will you know when something else you want will get in the way?
September 14, 2026
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
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