What’s eating at you?
My neighbor pointed them out first.
“Have you seen any beetles yet? My wife saw several on one of our plants yesterday.”
Yuck.
I expected we’d see them eventually. Japanese beetles are an invasive species that wreak havoc on a garden. Every year, they snack on the flowers in front of my house.
Sure enough, there were a ton of those pesky beetles on the geraniums in the pot on the far right, and a few in each of the other pots.
I reached out to my sister-in-law, our family’s gardening guru. “Soapy water,” she said. “Pick them off the leaves and flowers and knock them into a small container with soapy water.”
Yuck.
For the rest of the day, the dreaded task loomed over me. I couldn’t stop thinking about how disgusting it would be to pick up each beetle and drop them in the soapy water to their demise.
Yuck.
The next day, armed with my container of soapy water and wearing gardening gloves (there was no way I was going to touch those things directly!), I went out and picked off the beetles one-by-one. I lost count of how many beetles I dropped into the sudsy water as I carefully inspected each of my 5 planters.
And then I realized it.
I had become so focused on this horrid task that I had lost sight of so many good things surrounding me.
My flowers had been doing really well this year, better than usual despite the excessive heat we’d been having. The beetles had only shown interest in my geraniums, the petunias were fine. There was a cool breeze and a little cloud cover. I could even be grateful for the “drunken” effect geraniums have on the beetles, making them easier to capture.
The good things went well beyond that specific moment, too. The fun evening I enjoyed the night before with my niece and nephews. The inspiring clients I served that week. The entertaining show I’ve been streaming.
I had let one unpleasant task take over my mind, pushing out so many great things.
Has this ever happened to you?
It’s human nature to focus on the challenges around us - it’s how we survive. If we ignore the things that are hard, challenging, or threatening, we put our ability to survive at risk.
We overlook the project that will make a big difference for our customers because we’re anxious about the uncertainty of a looming acquisition.
We forget our kid is thriving at school because we’re worried about whether they’ll make their sports team.
We ignore the fact that our current role is fine for now while we stress over whether we’ll get the job we just interviewed for.
When we’re so focused on the negative, we miss the positive.
Now, I’m not suggesting that we only look at the positive, neglecting the things that challenge us. Of course we need to take care of the things that need our attention. Ignoring those pesky beetles would have caused more harm to my plants, and turning a blind eye on the upcoming acquisition, your kid’s challenges, or the things getting in the way of your next chapter could have big consequences.
But only thinking about the hard stuff, the challenging stuff, can significantly impact our ability to thrive.
So what can we do, when those big things loom so big? Here are three things you can try:
Acknowledge it
Start by acknowledging and naming the hard thing in front of you. Sometimes we can obsess so much about the situation we’re in that we forget everything else going on. Acknowledging the thing we’re dealing with can help us see what it is, and, more importantly, what it isn’t.
Perhaps there’s a rumored reorg at work. What, specifically, are you worried about and how does it make you feel? Maybe you’re obsessing about your kid. Can you identify what has caught your attention?
Time box it
Putting limits around how much we’re going to worry about something can help us step away from the obsession. This might be based on time, or by circumstances.
Perhaps you’ve been laid off and you’re obsessing about how quickly you’ll find your next job. Can you focus on the job search for a specific number of hours each day, and then set it aside? Maybe you’re worried about the impact the new development down the street will have on your home’s value. Can you worry about it just while you’re stopped at the light when you drive by, and then move on?
Balance things out
Have you ever thought about getting a new car and then noticed that you’re seeing that exact make and model all over the place? The same thing can help you balance out seeing the good things even when there are bad things happening. When you look for them, you’ll see them.
Maybe you’re dealing with a tough diagnosis. What good things are also happening right now? Perhaps your team’s ability to meet a big deadline keeps getting challenged. What is going well about how the team is operating?
It’s easy to get caught up in the challenging things around us. But when we start by acknowledging it, putting some constraints around how much focus we give those things, and balancing out our thoughts with the good things that also surround us, we can navigate through the hard stuff with a better appreciation for the good that’s all around us.
What has your attention? What do you need to balance it out?
Should we talk?
You’re here. You want to be there. I can help.
Let’s talk. Book time, and we’ll figure out how to get you unstuck and get going.
How will you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
July 31, 2025
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
Book your free strategy session.
