Changing light
A friend recently told me about an exhibit he had once seen at a museum.
He and his friend would stand on opposite sides of a piece of glass. Next to the glass was a dimmable light switch. When they brightened the light on their own side, the glass turned into a mirror and they could no longer see their friend. When they turned down the light on their side, the glass turned into a window, where they could see their partner.
This got me thinking about how this concept operates in the way we engage with others in our everyday lives.
Sometimes, the light goes up on our side of the conversation. Perhaps we’re sharing a story, asking for help as we navigate a difficult situation, or receiving the attention of our partner.
Other times, the light goes up for our partner’s side. We’re focused on what they’re sharing, what they need, or honoring who they are.
Over the course of a good conversation, there’s a give and take, a sharing of the spotlight.
Sometimes we share, other times we listen.
The problems arise when the balance doesn’t fit the situation. When we hog the spotlight away from our friend who needs it, or deflect it back when they want to give us our attention.
When those things happen, something feels off. The conversation doesn’t serve the way that it could. One or both parties leave feeling like things didn’t go the way they wanted. Frustrated, angry, or hurt. Sometimes, the relationship is damaged as a result.
By default, is your light switch on or off?
Where do you want it to be for your next conversation?
What would better support a relationship that’s important to you?
August 20, 2026
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
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