Can you break that board?
It was testing day.
My nieces and nephews are all in tae kwon do, and as a black belt myself, I always love supporting them with their tests.
This particular evening, three of them were testing for their red belts.
After the warmup, testing at their school usually consists of 4 phases regardless of level. First, the students demonstrate their “forms”, specific kicks, punches, and other movements performed in a specified sequence. Then they move on to sparring, demonstrating both their ability to perform specific movements against an opponent as well as ad hoc defensive and offensive movements. They then break boards with the specific kick appropriate for their level. Finally, there is a knowledge quiz.
That night, I watched about 50 elementary and middle school students test across a half dozen or so levels and noticed something interesting when it came to the board breaking.
While some students broke their board on the first try, most needed several attempts. A few struggled.
As a student struggled, they got more and more frustrated with each attempt.
Has this ever happened to you?
Early on, one of the assistant instructors might offer some words of encouragement. “You’ve got this!” “More power!” “Stand a little closer!”
Next, the master instructor would offer specific guidance to the student.
If that didn’t work, he would get up from his desk and approach the student. Calmly, he would take the unbroken board from the assistant instructor, show the student how to approach the kick, and ask them to try again.
Sometimes that reset and instruction was enough, but if it wasn’t, he would have the student pause. He would lower the board and look the student right in the eye and get them to repeat a single phrase.
“I can do it”.
He would have them repeat this phrase multiple times, getting louder each time, until he could see that the student did, in fact, believe that they could do it.
Then he would offer specific guidance for how to approach the kick, get back into position, and without fail, the student would soon have broken the board.
It was masterful to watch.
How often do you get frustrated when you think you should be able to do something, but it just isn’t happening?
Maybe it’s the colleague who just isn’t convinced about something you see as obvious. Or the status update that doesn’t seem to hit the mark with your leadership. Or the prospect that won’t engage.
Perhaps it's the arm balance you can’t quite master, the confusing web form that won’t let you submit, or the plant that just doesn’t want to thrive.
When we consistently miss the mark with something we think we should nail, we often become frustrated, and perhaps even are tempted to quit.
The next time you find yourself struggling to hit the mark on something you know you should be able to do, apply these lessons from the tae kwon do master:
Try minor modifications first
Sometimes the simple adjustments are enough to get the results we’re after. Rather than continuing to do the same thing, try the obvious changes first.
Perhaps no one is reading your status update. Would sending it in the morning get more attention? Or maybe your kid isn’t doing their chores. Instead of telling them to do it, would asking if they’ve done it get better results?
Pause
Often, a pause and reset is needed to give us the space we need to approach the situation again.
Maybe your partner isn’t understanding why an issue is important to you. Could you pause the conversation and try again the next day, when you can both approach the topic with fresh eyes? Or perhaps you can’t quite get that spreadsheet formula to work the way you want. Would a walk around the block allow you to try again with less frustration?
Try again with new intention
After a pause, it’s useful to start fresh with an affirmation around our intention and ability to tackle the task at hand.
Perhaps there’s a presentation you really need to nail. When you come back to it after the weekend, what can you do to affirm your ability to deliver a strong message? Maybe you’re learning watercolor but haven’t been able to recreate your favorite vista. How can you go into your next painting session with a reminder that you’re already an artist?
Taking a cue from a tae kwon do master instructor, the next time you find yourself getting frustrated with a lack of hoped-for progress, try minor modifications first, take a break when you need to, and start again with a fresh intention. You just might be able to achieve more than you’ve ever dreamed.
What’s frustrating you today?
You’re here. You want to be there. I can help.
Let’s talk. Book time, and we’ll figure out how to get you unstuck and get going.
How will you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
April 10, 2025
About the author:
Christina Von Stroh is a leadership coach who helps her clients become wildly successful by applying iterative software development practices to achieve their dreams. Want to work with Christina to help you iterate towards the person you’re becoming?
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